In my very short life packed with rich experiences, one thing that has stood out is my inability to admit wrong. I’m no huge fan of the whole feelings thingy, hence my inability to actually admit wrong or most feelings for that matter. I see feelings as excuses people give to avoid facing reality. That is not to say that feelings aren’t sometimes real, but for how far I’ve come as a person, I’ve realized it’s all a function of the mind.
I’ve tried to trace my unwillingness to admit wrong to the root, and my discovery was that I mostly am too much of a perfectionist for my own good. I put in so much and too much effort to ensure that I do things perfectly. Hence leaving no room for disappointment or failure. When any of these rear their ugly heads, it hits me real hard and sends me reeling into an emotional withdrawal of critical self examination. There’s just no mercy for my sorry self at that moment, as my over active mind kicks into overdrive mode and literally drives me crazy with all the numerous different ways I could have avoided that failure or disappointment. Sometimes people are slim not because they don’t eat(though I don’t eat much), but sometimes it’s due to what is consuming the person on the inside. I have struggled with a lot of self blame because I just couldn’t come to grips with the fact that I’m actually prone to mistakes.
If I can’t admit wrong then you can just imagine how I’ll take criticism, especially when I’ve put in so much effort to ensure that I produce excellent work. I mean, how can you just criticize something I’ve taken days, months or hours to achieve? You don’t know half of what I endured to make sure the work comes out excellent. So bad is this attitude of being unable to admit wrong or take criticism that I have found it difficult to accept praises wholeheartedly, sometimes feeling that people really want to critique my work but praised it just because they wanted to be nice.
But take a deep breath and come with me to the real world, where there are imperfect people littering the streets, offices, homes, schools etc. I don’t live in my own world and neither do you, hence being overly perfectionalistic (made this up – you get my drift right? lol), would lead both of us nowhere than to a life of constant critical examination of both self and others. I’m learning to accept that I’ll work with imperfect people, share a home with an imperfect spouse or children, heck, I’m even not perfect myself(though I like to think I am). The bottom line is, the earlier I learn to accept and admit that I can be wrong and acknowledge my wrongness(let’s just say today is a day of making up words), the better a chance I have to grow; grow into someone who appreciates the warped society and does not entirely write them off became of their imperfections. Learning to admit I’m wrong would eventually help me let go of the past and embrace the present, whilst forging ahead into the bright future. On a lighter note, it’ll allow my mind to relax and allow me to put on some flesh on this slim fit body(wink). I’m imperfect and I’m learning to accept that imperfect people can be perfect sometimes, as well as be imperfect all times. There’s nothing really wrong with making mistakes or falling below standards. Just don’t stay stuck to those reduced standards, be intentional about attaining excellence. For the criticism bit, well, I can’t say I’m riding the horse with the reins firmly in my control, but I’m trying, I’m leaving room in my heart for improvement (reminds me of report cards back in the day – teachers be like more room for improvement, lol). I try to look forward to receiving corrections, suggestions or criticisms(difficult to deal with but…), I laugh over my mistakes then look for practical ways to effect the necessary procedures relevant for change if need be.
For my friends out there who think I’m perfect and excellent at what I do, thanks for the vote of confidence, but just keep in mind that I’m human and am prone to making mistakes and disappointing you . That doesn’t mean I won’t still strive for excellence, I surely would(my genes would demonstrate or go on strike if I don’t, lol). Dealing with mistakes or wrongs for that matter doesn’t mean running away to hide in order to prevent yourself from making a mistake again. It’s about growing some balls to look the mistake in the eye, admit you made it and then go ahead to do better, then best subsequently. Not everything would sort itself out in a matter of days, some will take hours, days, years, decades and what have you. Just remain steadfast.
The conclusion of the matter is that learn to admit it when you’re wrong and accept constructive criticism with a good and felicitatious heart(what’s with the words today huh?). We all need to grow, and we can’t grow without the necessary pruning that manifests in different ways. Stay open!!!!
Thanks for passing by!!!
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Mimispassion © 2016